Replay, please? That sucked.

Time can’t be changed.
This is now and cannot be turned.
There is no replay.
But there are wishes –
And how I wish –
And stifle wishes to be
Contented, to feel free;
To love now and not
Fantasize about a different then.
Changed “two years” to “same years”
Took back the last four years,
If I hadn’t been in a hurry,
If you hadn’t waited, uncaring, so long…
And time took us terrible places,
Through our own bad choices,
And to find each other now –
This love hurts for two hearts:
Broken, leaking and falling apart –
They were shredded by time
In different places-
And not far off-
Staring at other faces.
Confused and growing dim,
Becoming numb by choices and sin-
And we shouldn’t have been,
And we could have been.
Only cities apart
Minds in the dark
pain from actions
Barely breathing
Kicking and screaming-
While still as stone and slowly dying
With reality as we found it.
And if only
You had found me
Or I you.

I once went back to see her 8/21/13

I once went back to find a girl. Look up an old love. Powerful knowing in college years.
I found her. There was strength and beauty different then before, age and maturity in her face. She had kids and wounds. She was stronger and more sad. Before she was impulsive and full of ideas, now she was set in her ways but had no path to walk for the difficulty of her situation.
Are some people always needed rescuing? Was I just lonely?
She still had that power and spirit I had loved so, but now it was hard and being used like plow horses-daily, as all resources must be put to use when there is not time to heal or hands to help or maybe her pride or fear denied help.
We laughed, we smiled and I will not call again. Leaving each other as a lovely story in a moment of early adulthood.